I read a book ANGER by Gary Chapman. I read a particular chapter and wanted to share it with you. The chapter is about how to handle bad anger. Here are four tips.
- Share Information: Tell a person you trust or the person who has been involved in the conflict/the thing that made you unhappy or your concern. It is always helpful to focus on the specific situation that caused your outburst, rather than on the person. Some examples can be “I am feeling frustrated” (or any other emotion) “I need your help” or “Can I please talk”. In sharing your information, you are focusing on making the other person aware on how you feel.
- Gathering Information: Getting all the facts before making an assumption is also key to handle bad anger. For example, if two people had dinner, and then one person asked the other one to do the dishes, but after the person comes back after three hours to see the dirty dishes and the person on the television, it is assumed that the person is lazy and didn’t do it on purpose. However, you need to gather facts first, as the person could’ve been been caught up in something or took a nap by accident and forgot about the dishes.
- Negotiating Understanding: After you have done the first two steps, it is time to confront the person. Express the struggles/problem that made you angry in this event. It is important to be open-minded and explain in full detail why you are angry If you leave out any information here, it might be a bit difficult for the other person to understand what caused you to be unhappy. After you have explained your case, it is also important for the other person to have a say. They can say information which can make you understand the situation better. The most important thing, however, is to be honest and never exaggerate things.
- Requesting Change: Finally, the last thing that you need to do is request change. What would you like the other person to do next time? What would you do next time? Would you handle the situation any differently? These are just some of the follow-up questions to ask